Lost and Anger
by Rationally Irrational
Summary: Tragedy strikes our favorite wolf pack. What does this mean for everyone? How can they take the loss of two of their own? I will be finishing this quite soon, there will be only about five chapters. Keep an eye out.
1. Paul

Lost and Anger

Chapter One:

_Paul_

The heady scent of the Earth surrounded me and the soil loosened by the drenching rain of last night's sudden storm crunched beneath my pads. This is what I lived for: the feeling of freedom and the wind blowing through my hair and all around me… It was heaven on Earth. A scent came to my nose: telling me a rabbit was nearby. I gave chase, loving the thrill of the hunt and the absolute certainty the poor thing wouldn't be able to outrun me. Once I had it cornered, I let it go. I have never been one for _completely _raw meat…

I sat back on my haunches, letting the world revolve for a while. My head filled with whispers, whispers that were not my own, pain that ripped me apart…That would be Jake…Even still his thoughts were in my own: a constant reminder of what the pack had lost, what _I _had lost. He just couldn't let go and the whole pack suffered for it.

A strong wind swept through the trees, carrying the long dead whispers of our ancestors and the things that they have witnessed… I have always loved nature. Even back before I changed, back before the Turn…It's just like it was always programmed into my genes and just took me over completely. I guess becoming a werewolf would do that to you…

Yes, that's right. I'm a werewolf. I turn into a wolf that's abnormally large, which caused _me _to become abnormally large. Just like the rest of them, I'd inherited all the abilities and super strength of the wolf while still retaining my humanity… or what there was of it.

Hearing the padding of three paws off in the distance, I began running again, bounding up in one great leap and allowing myself to feel all of my muscles bunch up as they contracted and retracted. It felt good and I gave into the powerful instinct to run, as far as my muscles could take me. Which was pretty damn far, if I do say so myself.

Eventually, the scent of my pursuers strengthened and washed over me in tides of familiarity that both warmed me and _pissed me off. _They never could leave me alone, it seemed. They were always with me, body and soul, in my house, in my school, in my town, and in my head. It never stopped, never died away… Honestly, it was one of the reasons I hated what I was, one of the reasons I sort of understood Jacob's point…. You're never alone. For someone who used to hate being alone, the constant presence of others sometimes overwhelmed me and I wanted to get away from it all… It lasted only fifteen minutes this time.

With a deep, heaving mental sigh, I stopped in the middle of a clearing and waited, knowing that to try to outrun them would be fruitless and that they'd eventually catch up to me. Not long after I stopped, a majestic black wolf and a russet color wolf entered the clearing, closely followed by a light brown one. Sam, Jacob, and Embry.

I stared at them and then stalked over, keeping my tail carefully lowered between my legs and my head lower than usual, showing a deference to my alpha that I had never even shown my father. He waited a beat and then lowered his head in acknowledgment of my apology, which is sort of what it was. It was the only way I knew how to apologize, anyway. Then is started… the thing that just about destroys me every time…Thoughts that should have been private, bared for them to see. Everything I've ever done or said became theirs and I was hit one at a time by the thoughts and feelings that plagued them constantly.

Sam, who always appears to be so calm and in control, the mighty alpha… Constantly worrying about Emily, wondering what he could have done to have tried and stopped her from getting hurt. Torturing himself over hurting Leah, something none of us would wish upon anyone else… Accepting Leah's verbal bashings as fact and as his due. Worrying over Jacob and wondering what would become of the pack, which just kept getting bigger…

Jacob, the one who should have Sam's place as is his birthright, the one other person in the pack who would give anything to be normal again. His pain is fresher than Sam's… If I had to see Isabella Swan's face one more time, I might go berserk… not that I really needed any pushing on that account… _His Bella…_ He still thinks he has some right to the girl when we keep telling him to just let her go….she's picked _the bloodsucker, _not him, which really just tickles him pink. Anger and raw pain bleeds from every pore it can reach, swallowing me whole.

Embry, Jake's best friend before everything changed for those two, something he relives everyday. He still feels the pain that comes from being abandoned; remembering what it was like when he thought everyone had left him…even Jake. He can still recall quiet well what it felt like to be on the outside looking in and it's not a very pleasant feeling. I almost feel sorry for the kid for going through all that with no one to turn to share his bleeding wounds with and not knowing what was going on, being cut off so abruptly with no explanation… Remembering a brief sharing of pain between Bella and him…

I heard a low growl emitted from the russet colored wolf as my thoughts were shared with him, as he watched me listen to everyone's thoughts and think my own at the same time. My thoughts strayed further, giving him the same thoughts that so often plagued him: the image of Bella Swan lying on the ground. I don't know why I did that. It's like, I always knew what would set someone off, what would upset the most, and I followed through.

_**Enough. Quit torturing Jacob. I need you to go get Jared from his place and patrol our lines. Can you do that for me without running off again?**_

_Yeah, yeah, I'm sure I can manage. See you later, guys._

I answered Sam's mentally issued command and bounded off, away from the place where they still stood, watching as I disappeared. There's always someone watching. Always.

Oh, almost forgot. My name is Paul and I live in LaPush, Washington. Nothing happens here, ever. It's the same day in and day out, raining like no get out. Unless, of course, you're in on the little secret.

Then, you may as well leave the continent 'cause they'll never let you alone.

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Author's Note: Like a few of my other stories and ideas, this comes from a conversation I had with my mom one day, because we have random conversations about Twilight 24/7, basically. This story is going to be short (around six or seven chapters, probably) and the chapters themselves will be short, like this one. I really have nothing else to say except: What is Paul's last name?!? I couldn't find it like, at ALL….

Review!!


	2. LaPush

Lost and Anger

Chapter Two:

_LaPush_

My name is Paul and I live in LaPush, Washington. Nothing happens here, ever. It's the same day in and day out, raining like no get out. Unless, of course, you're in on the little secret.

Then, you may as well leave the continent 'cause they'll never let you alone.

I mean, no one can know the secret. Especially a human. We were sworn to protect the humans and that means to protect them in every sense, even if that means not telling them that we are protecting them. What would you do if some guy walked up to you and was like, "yeah, I'm a werewolf and my tribe of superhuman palls are running around outside your house at night, protecting you from blood-sucking creeps"? Yeah, I don't believe that would be the best thing to do.

The whole point of my life now is just to follow orders and keep guard against some undead dudes and protect a bunch of stupid humans I could care less about. Honestly, the only things I really want to do in life is to run like I was at present and getting in a few good punches. My mantra in life: you have not fully lived unless you've got in a few good punches. It's not a hard thing to live by, all things considered.

I'm the hard-headed, angry one of the group. It's not hard to get me riled up and I'm sure that's why I don't really have a lot of friends. But it's not like I care. Like I said before, I don't really give a crap about humans. According to Sam, who sometimes appears to be my own personal therapist, it's just because I am angry and upset about the loss of my humanity. I have no idea who died and left him the therapist, but whoever it was got way off base with this one. It's not even close... I think.

The truth is, I have no idea why I am the way I am. Just lucky, I guess. Anyways, I came to a sudden, crashing halt at the boundary line, the invisible line between the forest and civilization. Jared's house stood in front of me, slightly tattered and battle weary from struggling through the ages, but a proud remnant of all that was great from the past and a reminder of our ancestors who had lived here before us. Usually people on the rez tried to keep their houses with in their families. It's kinda like a tradition or whatever.

I exhaled slowly and felt the change come quickly. Things like this, they are easy to control if you're in control of yourself. Unsurprisingly, I'm often _not_ in control of myself, so you get what you get. Which is usually that I'll explode into a lovable ball of fur in seconds if I'm set off enough. That's why I enjoy it when I actually _am _in control. I love being able to feel my bones lengthening, shortening, expanding, whatever it takes to get it into either form. It's really pretty cool. I grabbed an extra set of clothes I often hid at Jared's house since I'm always there and stalked over to his front door.

Ever since the change and stuff, me and Jared have been Sam's lackeys, doing his bid and jumping up to fulfill every whim. If it sounds like I'm a little sarcastic or whatever, it's because I am. I mean, really, for a while now I've been following _orders _issued to me mentally by a guy that's the same age as me, or the approximate anyways. It kinda urkes me, really. And I know, it can't be helped. That's just the role life has chosen me to fill. But it doesn't me I have to _like _it or anything.

Sam's always been one of my best mates. It's just that... as time wears on, I can't help the slight rebellious urges that are taking over me. Jared realizes what's going on inside my head more than anyone else, which is something else, let me tell you that. It kinda puts you off when you have a ton of people floating around in your head all day, sharing everything about you, knowing everything there is to know, ultimately.

I knocked softly on the door. It was early morning and no _normal _person should be awake. I know Jared's parental units would flip if they had to get up and, knowing Jared, he already knew I was coming and was probably right next to the door. He was freaky like that. Sure enough, he came bounding out of the house, not bothering with a shirt. I rolled my eyes at him.

"We gotta patrol the perimeters. Sorry, dude. No late mornings for you," I said with a smirk, earning a smack on the back of my head.

It was common knowledge that the only thing Jared couldn't take about being a werewolf was his loss of sleep. Which really, I'd second that if there weren't so many more things that sucked about being a werewolf then that. We have Embry for that. Stalking into the woods, we shed our clothes; neither of us bothered by the others nakedness. It was just a fact of our lives and we were comfortable with each other and our bodies. But then, we always had been. That's what happens when you grow up so close to each other and spend practically every second together.

One minute, the indentations we made in the soft soil of the forest were bare human feet and the next; paws were padding lightly on the ground. We both relished in the feel of it all and then bounded off in a playful attempt to get this down quicker and take our minds off what we were actually doing.

The fact remained that the reason we were like this was the leeches that had made their nest so close to our woods, one of which had even taken Jake's best friend, Isabella Swan. Silence greeted my thoughts, which let me know that Jake was no longer wolfed out. I smiled softly or did whatever it is we did in our wolf forms, grateful that he wouldn't hear anything until later. Even I wasn't cruel enough to point out directly to Jake's face that his best friend wasn't his, would never be his, and that she, in fact, belonged to the one creature we were sworn to hate.

That must suck.

Author's Note: Hiya! It's me again. I'ma apologize for that fact that this has taken me so long... I've been extremely lazy, I won't lie. At least I can update this one! I can't even begin to think of how to start the next chapter on SIB.... (sighs) Anyways... There's not much else to say. The next chapter, I will work on soon.

And don't get your hopes up: this will be a short story, just reminding you! No longer then six or seven chapters. But since I like Paul, I might actually do another one... Different than this will turn out though, 'kay? I have tons of ideas and stuff but so little room... (shakes head)

I definitely don't think I need to do this, so I'll only do it once: I do not own Twilight or anything associated to it. That right all goes to Stephenie Meyer. I own nothing but that plot. Thanks.

Reviewers:

Thanks mom! :-)

ScarletRubie: Yeah, I didn't think that they had said anything about his last name in the stories. I just wanted to make sure, so thanks for that. I completely understand... and thanks for reviewing!

Review!!!!!!!

Thankies.


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